THIS MINECRAFT SERVER
AFTER !
| # | Minecraft R34 |
|---|---|
| 1 | Look, But No Touchy — This ain’t that kind of R34. The only thing exposed here is bedrock. |
| 2 | We Don’t Talk About Rule 34 — Seriously. The more you ask, the less we say. Wink. |
| 3 | Armor Before Anything Else — Fully clothed, fully enchanted. Modesty gives bonus XP. |
| 4 | Tools Out, Zippers In — Only wood we care about is oak. And maybe spruce if we’re feeling spicy. |
| 5 | Beds Are For Respawning — They explode in the Nether. No, that’s not a euphemism. |
| 6 | Keep It Blocky — Curves? Illegal. All hail right angles. |
| 7 | Consent Before Combat — PVP is opt-in. Just like therapy. |
| 8 | No Drip? No Entry — Dress like you mean it. Skins that cause blinding deserve it. |
| 9 | You’re Not “That” Kind of Wizard — Keep your wand in your hotbar, Dumbledork. |
| 10 | No Roleplay Without a Permit — If it involves “mommy” or “step-anything,” you’re getting obsidianed in. |
| 11 | Redstone Is Not For Romance — Stop trying to make it a love language. You’re scaring the villagers. |
| 12 | No Spawning With Intent — You know what you did. The Endermen saw everything. |
| 13 | Do Not Seduce the Iron Golem — They are not emotionally available. Or physically compatible. |
| 14 | Villagers Have Rights — Trading with them? Fine. Whispering to them? Therapy. |
| 15 | All Mods Must Be Safe For Grandmas — If Nana wouldn’t approve, neither do we. |
| 16 | Crops Before Crotch — Get that wheat planted before you say another word. |
| 17 | Breeding Is For Cows — Leave it at that. |
| 18 | No “Fan Art” in Chat — Keep your cursed sketches to yourself, Picasso. |
| 19 | You May Not Marry a Creeper — Inter-species dating ends in explosions. Literally. |
| 20 | Touch Grass IRL — Mandatory 15-minute breaks. Go outside. Touch reality. |
| 21 | Build Tastefully, You Animal — If your house looks like a body part, staff will renovate it into a church. |
| 22 | No Obsidian Dungeons of Love — That’s not a prison, Chad. That’s a red flag. |
| 23 | Admins Are Watching — They don’t blink. They see your search history. |
| 24 | “Accidental” Lava Is Still Lava — We know the difference. So do the courts. |
| 25 | Don’t Name Your Horse Weird Things — We check. You will be mocked. |
| 26 | Stop Trying to Smelt Everything — No, your pickaxe doesn’t get “hotter” that way. |
| 27 | The Nether Is Not Vegas — What happens there, still gets you banned. |
| 28 | Enchant Responsibly — No books titled “Daddy’s Sword.” That’s a rule and a threat. |
| 29 | Don’t Ask What the R Stands For — You already know. And that’s punishment enough. |
| 30 | Use Protection — Golden apples. Shields. Armor. What did you think we meant? |
| 31 | Every Block Tells A Story — Make yours slightly less disturbing. |
| 32 | Thou Shalt Not Hornypost — This is not Twitter. This is Minecraft. Go chop a tree. |
| 33 | Get Knocked? Get Up — Respawn. Rebuild. Regret nothing. |
| 34 | Live Forever In Pixels — You made it through all 34. Congrats. You’re one of us now. |
